There’s a striking contrast here—the shift from the metaphysical "soul swimming" to the gritty reality of "fossil fuel" and "diesel" is quite powerful.
I especially liked the line about being a "friend of sand". It is a grounding end to such a fluid, sensory piece.
You propose a question every couple stanzas and then the final lines come, feeling like the ultimate question with an even deeper emotional hit.I love how you space it out
There’s something almost tidal in this, like thought rising and collapsing into itself. I kept feeling pulled between images, even when I didn’t fully grasp them. It lingers quietly afterwards.
I need a blackout room and ambient audio to fully enter this one haha. It feels less like reading and more like drifting through a subconscious landscape.
I definitely agree. It gave me the sensation of water, but also darkness. It was like a formless thing you can still feel while reading, but cannot quite see.
What a beautiful poem!
Keep writing please.
God bless you.
I love the way the entire piece flows with questions and conclusion.
There’s a striking contrast here—the shift from the metaphysical "soul swimming" to the gritty reality of "fossil fuel" and "diesel" is quite powerful.
I especially liked the line about being a "friend of sand". It is a grounding end to such a fluid, sensory piece.
You propose a question every couple stanzas and then the final lines come, feeling like the ultimate question with an even deeper emotional hit.I love how you space it out
There’s something almost tidal in this, like thought rising and collapsing into itself. I kept feeling pulled between images, even when I didn’t fully grasp them. It lingers quietly afterwards.
I need a blackout room and ambient audio to fully enter this one haha. It feels less like reading and more like drifting through a subconscious landscape.
Ha! Perfectly put.
I definitely agree. It gave me the sensation of water, but also darkness. It was like a formless thing you can still feel while reading, but cannot quite see.